Seriously, does no one really want an awesome job opportunity? The chance to travel the US, get paid every night, and basically just hang out with a group of awesome people?

If you're aged 18-25 and you want the chance to see the USA and be paid what you're worth (you put in the effort, you will see money for it), and you want to go out there and have a fun time, drop me a comment and I'll talk to you privately.

[What it entails: 2 weeks paid training, being paid every night as you work on commission, awesome incentive bonuses (skydiving, limos, 5-star hotel stays, cruises), and a chance to earn points toward a $2000 cash bonus and a 10-day trip to whatever vacation destination. And if it doesn't work out? Well, you get a bus ticket home and a few stories to tell.]

Dude, we are totally hiring. Contact me and I'll hook you up with an interview if you seriously want an opportunity to better yourself and have at least one great adventure in your life before you're too old to enjoy it.

So, I'm out on the road again, it's not so bad. If you've ever been on mag crew you know how it is, ducking in and out of hotel rooms, attending 9-o'clock meetings, all that jazz.

I guess I just needed to take a step back from my everyday life, you know how it is. My mom passed away in February and I just had this need to get the hell out of town. So I grabbed Bryson and we've been spending the summer traveling around with his dad's crew.

I just feel so disconnected from everything. Stress and worry had been wearing me down, but being away from it all, even just for a little while, let me relieve some of the pressure. But now I have to go back to my everyday and I don't think I can do it.

I look at my everyday life and I don't want to go back, 'cause what's really there? Nothing.

It was kind of weird. I was looking through my brother's myspace photos and he'd posted up all these pictures my dad had scanned from the old family albums. There were all these pictures of my mom and I don't know what happened, but just looking at them made me start crying. It was so unexpected.

She passed away back in February and I think I've handled it pretty well... but just seeing her smiling at me in those pictures made me want to cry. She could be a real bitch, but I do really miss her. She was just so damn crazy and aggravating and everything that makes me just completely lose control... and I wish she was still here.

Damn.

Someone once told me that I have a flat face and a "baked potato nose." Ever since then I've always been kind of self-conscious of my nose. I've really thought about getting it... I don't know, elongated or something? I don't know... I really don't want to end up looking like Michael Jackson, but... Maybe they can put in some chin implants and stuff to give me more of a face? Meh.

...tired and moderately crazy...

I am so frickin' mad. I moved out on my roommate, Doug, so I think his sister (who threatened to beat me up) was a jerk and smeared gum all along the side of my car. It's like a 110 degrees! Ugh. It's all melted and gross.

I don't know what I can do other then tell security at work to keep an eye on the employee parking lot (Doug and his sister both work there too.) If either one of them touches my car... it's not going to be pretty, and that's all I'm saying about that. Though all I can think is that gum is bad enough, but what if they mess with my gas tank? They can totally ruin my engine and I really can't afford another car when the one I've got now isn't even paid for.

I don't even know why they're being such jerks. Doug didn't even pay his last two months worth of utilities... I ate the $300 he owes me... so why are they being jackasses? It just makes me so mad... I totally let the money thing go until I saw that gum all along the side of my car and melting onto the paint...

The most delicious treat in the world is melon flavored ice cream bars. They taste just like honey dew melon with a milky smoothness to them.

The first time I saw a melon ice cream bar I was like, "Ew, sounds gross." But my brother made me try them and they were delicious. Which is why when I saw them for sale at the Korean store... I bought five boxes.

Anyways, what's going on with me? Well, I'm seriously thinking about quitting my job in July and going to work for my brother. I would have to provide my own medical insurance and stuff... but it almost seems worth it after a night of dealing with stupid people I wouldn't even acknowledge as human in my everyday life. Plus, the way things would work out, I would have enough time on my hands to work on a degree in something.

, I'm just glad they're not leaving forever. Bah.

T-shirt Hell lied. They're not really closing down and they're just lucky I have such an awesome sense of humor or I'd be pissed. Instead

testing this post thing

I feel so sad. www.tshirthell.com is going offline forever. No real reason, just the owner's personal whim. Still, I'm going to miss the funny. So even though I'm totally strapped for cash, I still went to the site and ordered a handful of threads.

I don't know what I'm going to do with myself when the shirts I've already got turn to rags...

I want to kick my own ass right now. I already filed my taxes and found out I probably could have claimed Head of Household, which would have got me an extra $500+

Stupid TurboTax said filing "Single" was most recommended, so I went with it. But since I have Bryson and I basically provide all of his care and support...

The thing is, I have a roommate and we split the rent, phone/DSL/cable, and electricity. BUT he tends not to buy food, and I provide everything for Bryson. So does that count me as Head of Household, or not? And if it does, can I file an amendment on my taxes?

Or if I had filed Head of Household, would I have been more likely to be audited than not?

Another thing that just thinking about makes me sick is the fact that I let Jennifer claim Bryson on her taxes for the last four years even though she only had him from May 2007 until January 15 of 2008. Why? Because I was afraid she was going to take him back. So even though I paid for his everything and she didn't give any money, she got all the deductions and stuff. So this is the first year I'm getting to claim him even though he's lived with me practically his whole life.

She received tax write-offs, state funding, Medicaid, Wic, etc from the time he was 1 year old... And now I've had him back for over a year and she still refuses to give me the paperwork I need to get him on my medical insurance.

I swear, if she tries to claim him on her taxes this year I will have to murder her...

I've been playing around with my Kaboodle account. Maybe then I can get rid of a bunch of my bookmarked crap and clean up my computer. Still. Very much of the fun :)

BTW, saw a commercial on Cartoon Network. Looks like they're running a new Scooby-Doo series starting in the fall of 2009. It's supposed to be about when they all met.

http://www.kaboodle.com/ashlevarnis

I got to be an extra on the independent film "Rough Hustle." It's got Michael Welch, Isaac Singleton, and Matt Bushell. Anyways, I have four scenes. 1) I just walk past while they're playing blackjack. 2) I sit with my back to the camera at another table while they're playing. 3) I sit at one of the slot machines and make like I'm playing. And finally... 4) I sit right next to Michael Welch and Matt Bushell and pretend to play blackjack (and by the way, I totally didn't know who that guy next to me was, but we were supposed to be kind of together or something, I don't know.)

My mom got to play Miss Millionaire and play against Michael Welch and the other guys. And my brother was Player 1 and pretended to be The Hot Chick's boyfriend that she kind of cheats on with Matt Bushell.

We didn't get paid or anything, but it was kind of a cool thing to do. Plus, Brendan Davis was really nice... especially for an executive producer. Delaney Dragon was pretty friendly too... and oddly chatty considering I was just "background." And supposedly we're each supposed to receive a copy of the movie when it comes out. Nice.


www.roughhustle.com

I'm going to be voting in a couple of days, and even though I'm leaning toward Obama, I'm still a little leery about either one of them. But as they say, "The lesser of two evils," right? And though lots of people are trying to talk up McCain... I can't help but feel that it's the devil in the details and if he's the man... he's going to take us all to a dark, dark place.

People are screaming about Obama's "socialism" and the idea that he's leaning toward "universal healthcare" ::gasp:: Which totally makes me laugh when you take in the fact that McCain wants to get rid of employer funded health insurance all together, which means your employer will pay less money and make more profit... and you'll be paying for your angioplasty out of your pocket. Awesome, man.

I guess McCain is leaning toward a nation of the young and the rich. You're either young enough that your health isn't going to be a concern at all... or you're rich enough not to care about anything. Good thing I'm young, huh?

All righty, I've been Cracked and I'm takin' it like a man... a fanfic porn lovin' whoa-man. I figure if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?

Yep, Moving On has been listed at Cracked.com as the NUMBER 1 implausible baffling sex scene in the history of fanfic. I think I should post an award somewhere on my desktop just for the honor it bestows upon me. But I think they totally missed some of my other shit...

Boomer/Superman
Hamburger Helper Glove/Glove of Engyhon (?)
Buffy/Blues Clues
Buffy/Pooh Bear
Percy Weasley/Jason Fox

Anyways, I totally own up to my bit of the weird, and at least I'm not out there clubbing seals or eating pig vaginas. Or how about that totally sick fuck 18 year old guy that raped a 22 month old baby? So bearing in mind that everybody has a bit of the perverse in them, I'm happy to say that I tend to keep it to myself and go about my day to day life without harming anyone else.

And if anyone happens to read my rambling literary crap pile... well, I'm not exactly shoving it into your eyeballs so you had to have been looking for your own taste of the weird.

C'est la vie.

There is a hole in the heart of the world
where the darkness lives and the nothingness dwells
where hopes and dreams have lived, then died
where angels wept and devils cried
where everything has crumbled to dust
and everything has faded, even the love of us.

"What's happening? What's going on?"

I don't know, but I'm sure I'd relate to you more if you took a few acting lessons and came back with more of a plot.

The premise of the story is good--and that's about it. I was left sadly disappointed by a movie that was way over-hyped, and they way under-done.

"M. Night Shyamalan's first R-rated movie..." and that's all that can be said for it.

Watch the trailers. Those are the best parts of the movie right there.

( Spoilers )

My recommendation for this movie? If you really have to see it, save your $7-12 per person and rent it on DVD from Redbox.

I have just one word to describe this movie: lame.

By the end I was just happy to have it all over and I actually left the theater infuriated by the amount of disappointment I experienced. Wow, that's like two hours of my life I'm never getting back.

This movie is totally a renter, not a buyer.

Currently watching retro episodes of Doogie Howser, M.D. on Hulu.com. How frickin' crazy is that? Neil Patrick Harris looks so tiny and adorable, like a little moppy haired doll.

All his little issues make me laugh and seeing the clothes they wear makes me want to gouge my eyes out. And BTW, his dad seems like kind of a dick. Way to put the pressure on your super genius son to succeed OR ELSE.

And I love the fact that Doogie was the first nerd blogger in the world. That's cool ::snerk:: though his... what, Xenith?... computer totally takes me back to the horrors of my youth and the dreaded blue screen, white text sans interweb world where I couldn't look up crazy Japanese skat porn on youtube or wow the nobodies with all the useless datums I gathered off Wikipedia.

This show is like a time capsule never meant to be open... but still a kinda dork pleasure.

Everyone has been giving me a hard time about this movie and I really don't know what to say to make them shut up and actually watch it. Especially when my first impressions of it were the same as theirs.

On seeing the commercials for Speed Racer, all I could think was one thing... "La-a-ame!"

The only reason I even bothered to go see it was because Bryson was chomping at the bits to go. So I figured it would give me a chance to take a little nap or listen to music on my Creative Zen.

Instead, I was drawn into two hours of action... car crashes, fights, everything. It was frickin' awesome! No lie.

So before you go around saying Speed Racer looks totally lame and you're never gonna watch it... spend a little money and take a little time to watch it 'cause it's actually very good.